Thriving…In the Midst of Grief
Life circumstances are HARD! Sit with that for a minute.
As hospice workers, we experience grief daily in our professional lives. We are allowed to enter into that sacred space with families as they say ‘good-bye’ to their loved ones. Our hope is to encourage, support, and remind them that the feelings you experience are so important.
Your role as caregiver is beautiful. In this “full time” role, you will experience times of grief. It is important to know that grief is a response to loss and not always just the death of someone. When caregiving for a loved one who is chronically ill, you may lose your role as a daughter, son, sister, brother, husband, wife, etc. How you express your emotions surrounding loss can make all the difference between “surviving or thriving.” For example, holding your grief in can cause a host of other feelings (anger, sarcasm, controlling behavior, isolation).
Grief can also be experienced as a loss of dreams and goals. Often, we find ourselves comparing our lives to others during this time. Seeing friends and family living the life that they planned for, while we care for a loved one, can be very hard. Everything may seem to be going “right” for them while you may feel that your goals are being put on hold.
Grief affects all aspects of our lives: mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and socially. Grief affects each person differently. Many will experience “anticipatory grief,” the feeling of deep sorrow, along with other emotions, before an impending loss. You may find yourself thinking, “This is not how I believed my life would be,” or “This is not how we should be saying goodbye.”
Instead of surviving, begin thriving by shifting your life perspective! We suggest finding a strong support system or others who will really listen. A strong support system can be any person who is comfortable with you crying and is a good “listener” without trying to “fix” the problem.
Support groups are a wonderful option as you are surrounded by others with similar life circumstances. Once you feel comfortable in a support group, you may even find yourself laughing and experiencing joy because you will understand that you are not alone in this process. Therapists are also another option to help navigate your journey and provide tools for emotionally healthy grieving.
Self-Care! Self-Care! Self-Care! The one you care for needs a healthy you! This can be difficult when caring for a loved one. On a daily basis, don’t forget to ask yourself, “What do I need to feel rested?” Exercise, a hobby, a social activity, alone time, a nap, or some time away? Think of the oxygen mask analogy. When on an airplane, the flight attendant always directs the caregiver to put his or her mask on first, prior to putting the mask on a loved one. This ensures that you have oxygen and can then help the person in need. It is so important to take care of yourself so that you can take care of your loved one!
Allow yourself time to grieve. Tears are healthy! Take time to cry. Tell your loved ones… “I am going to let some tears out.” We often suggest setting a timer and when the timer goes off, set your grief down.
Live with no regrets! Life is short and can be very hard, and the one thing you can control is to live with no regrets. Enjoy each moment. Make beautiful memories. Live and love well.
Pam Graeler RN, BSN
TM Solace Hospice Care, LLC 2020
